I have had some recent experiences that have really made me question my decision to surround myself with certain types of people here in Miami. Generally speaking, I tend to choose friends who are similar to me in one particular way. It's so hard to describe what this one thing is without sounding like I have expectations of people (I guess in a way I do), but let me see what I can do.
As Jane Austen says, "There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature". I feel as if I am a somewhat generous person by nature, specifically to those I cherish. I don't believe there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them and the amazing thing is that all of them would do the same. There's this unspoken, unwritten "rule" in friendship that you help your friends because at some point you will need them to help you. And when a friend helps you, you are gracious and you do what you can to make that person that is helping you happy because you are so grateful for their generosity. One may say that this particular attitude towards friendship could be cultural and that my issues with certain people are because they come from a different culture. But I truly don't believe that culture affects the good that you are inside. I think love, generosity, graciousness, etc. does not understand race, ethnicity, or culture. Those are innate human traits.
Specifically, I have had experiences where I have extended a helping hand and given opportunities to people that they would otherwise not have. Unfortunately, in these situations I have learned that not everyone views friendship like I do. Friendship is viewed by these people as allowing them to live their life the way that they want to live it with no regard for the persons that have been helping them. They claim to be my good friend, but at the end of the day, I end up sad and alone. Many have said, "Let them go. They are not a good friends." Is it wrong of me that I cannot let them go? Although around them I feel sad and confused as to why these people can't be honest with me about their intentions, I also understand that they need help and I want oh so badly to continue helping them because that's just me. That's how I function. I don't know how to stop, even when I know that this friendship is a one way street.
Is it possible that I am wrong for my belief of the unwritten "rule"? Do friendships really come in all shapes and sizes and that it is normal to have relationships with people where you give so so so so much more than you ever receive? Should I just be happy that these people have chosen me to help them? Is the belief by Anne Frank, that " Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart" wrong? Are there really truly bad people in this world.
If I have yet to express my gratitude towards any of my friends, please know that I am grateful for you beyond words. I don't know what I would do without the people I call, sometimes on a daily basis, to cry about my hurting heart or my directionless life, or those that instagram a timeline of our friendship, or those who trust me with their hearts at 3 a.m. To those who have extended a hand to me in a time of need with food, shelter, car, money, etc., please know that even in my moments of weakness when I was incapable of expressing my gratitude due to my own selfishness, I am and always will be eternally grateful for anything and everything you have done for me.
If nothing else, I have learned through these recent experiences just how lucky I am to be who I am and have the friends that I have. Maybe that was this purpose of all of this...
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